I just heard this beautiful song by First Aid Kit called Walk Unafraid.
It pretty much sums up how I have been feeling the last few months here in LA.
The first 6 months of living here was very up and down for (and it still is but I now have a knowing and trust that everything will be alright). My living situation was not ideal, I was living in a room which had no door, not much privacy and other factors which did not make for an ideal place of comfort or creativity. I was more focussed on getting settled into a job, home and new city rather than focussing on my acting career. I wanted to do things differently this time.
I have lived in four cities in the last 6 years - Brisbane, Sydney, Vancouver and Los Angeles all in pursuit of my acting career. I had always tried to rush things with my acting when I first moved to a new city but this time I wanted it to be different. I needed to settle, get my bearings, make friends, make a supportive network, get ahead financially (haha! I think it's best to forget that one for now).
Within six months I had worked at two different jobs, neither of which fit what I needed specifically. I moved to a new apartment in September and started to finally feel settled. I had my own space, a room, a door, privacy and place to create!
And the acting world opened up at my feet again.
I secured a manager/agent and was starting to audition again. I booked my first LA gig, a short film paying only a small amount of money but I didn't care...I was acting again! It had been two years since I had booked anything. In Canada I was in class studying at least, but I had to focus on saving for my move to Los Angeles. That was the most important thing at the time.
I booked another short film called Little Bird and I finished shooting last week. It felt amazing to be on set again, working, playing, acting. Feeling. It's all a learning experience for me. I watched back some of the dailies and I thought "Oh I could have done that better," or "I wasn't connected" but at the end of the day if I'm learning that means I am making steps forward.
And it's all about the little steps.
I have also been going to the gym almost every day since I moved into my new apartment and that has played a HUGE factor in my mental health. I feel clear, calm and centered more than ever even though I don't have a job right now! I've been really getting into yoga lately - the spiritual and physical sides are so good for my soul. I have lost around 22lbs (10kg) since leaving Canada and have done it in a healthy and safe way. I haven't been "dieting" or restricting food. I have just been 100% more active than I was in Canada and have also stopped eating gluten and dairy (except for chocolate sometimes ;) because of some intolerances I was experiencing. I feel strong, inspired and motivated to continue cementing my spiritual, physical and mental health.
I also quit my job two days ago. It was very unexpected but a build up of tension with particular people lead me to stand up for myself and say NO. I no longer stand for this. It may not have been the best decision financially but I trust I will find a job very soon.
The past 6 years since I started pursuing this acting career has helped me walk unafraid. I no longer withstand being disrespected and treated like a child.
I don't think I would have done the same thing 6 years ago, but I am no longer a girl I am a woman with a voice.
This journey is inspiring me more and more every day.
Keep on fighting, keep on stepping forward and remember to walk unafraid.